Have you ever felt like you belonged, only to realize later that you were conforming rather than being your true self? This phenomenon, known as “belonging blinders,” affects many of us as we navigate social and professional environments. It’s that subtle but pervasive feeling of fitting in while parts of our identity are being overlooked or suppressed. But what is the cost of this unseen conformity? And how can we break free from it to foster true inclusion in our lives and communities?
As a new foster (to adopt) mom to a 16-year-old mixed-race girl, the concept of belonging has taken on a deeply personal significance for me. My daughter has relocated to a new home, community, and school. I often wonder: Does she feel like she truly belongs? Or is she, like many of us, forcing herself to fit in without realizing the ways in which she might still be excluded?
At 16, fitting in is challenging enough, but it becomes even more complex for a child from trauma in a new environment. I’ve made significant efforts to facilitate her sense of belonging, knowing how crucial it is for her mental health and well-being. But this experience has led me to question whether she—or any of us—can truly know if we belong, especially when we are determined to fit in.
What are Belonging Blinders?
Belonging blinders are the metaphorical shields that prevent individuals from recognizing or acknowledging their exclusion or marginalization, even as they strive to fit into a social group or environment. These blinders result from a lack of awareness of social inequities and structural barriers, leading to a distorted perception of true inclusion. It is characterized by a failure to perceive or acknowledge dehumanizing or exclusionary behaviors, often due to ingrained biases or a strong desire to fit in, which leads to a distorted perception of one’s social reality.
Jardine’s work on social invisibility and emotional blindness offers a valuable framework for understanding belonging blinders. His research demonstrates how individuals, in their quest to belong, may overlook the social and structural forces that exclude them, leading to a warped view of their social environment (Jardine, 2020). This idea is echoed in the academic setting, where students of color often experience what researchers Walton and Cohen (2007) call “belonging uncertainty.” This term describes the heightened sensitivity to social belonging among members of socially stigmatized groups, who are often uncertain of their social bonds’ quality due to pervasive racial disparities in achievement.
A Square Peg in a Round Hole
Reflecting on my own experiences, I realize that belonging blinders have impacted me as well. When I was a fresh-out-of-college engineer at Texas Instruments, I was determined to fit in, even though I knew women were underrepresented in the field. I thought I fit in perfectly until I left the industry and began to reclaim parts of myself I had suppressed to conform. I had jammed myself into a role that didn’t fit, much like a square peg in a round hole. This adaptation, common among marginalized groups, is often a survival strategy. However, it is not our job to change to fit the environment; instead, the environment should change to allow us to show up as our whole, authentic selves.
The Consequences of Belonging Blinders
Belonging blinders are problematic because they create a false sense of inclusion. Forced belonging does not equal true, structural belonging. When we force ourselves to fit in, we don’t actually belong—we conform. This dissonance is harmful to our mental health and well-being because it prevents us from being our authentic selves. The stress of constant adaptation can lead to various health concerns as we suppress parts of our identity to align with the expectations of the dominant group.
Furthermore, belonging blinders perpetuate the very problems we seek to overcome. By conforming to environments that do not fully accept us, we reinforce the status quo instead of challenging it. This limits our potential for personal growth and diminishes our ability to advocate for others who may be experiencing similar struggles.
The Role of Identity and Intersectionality
Belonging blinders can be particularly complex when considering intersectionality (Crenshaw, 1991). Intersectionality is the concept that social identities like race, gender, and class intersect to create unique experiences of oppression or privilege, which cannot be understood in isolation from one another. For example, a mixed-race individual might experience different pressures to conform depending on whether they are in a predominantly white, Black, or other racialized environment. Similarly, a woman of color in a male-dominated field may feel compounded pressures from both her gender and racial identities. The intersection of these identities means that the experience of belonging blinders can vary greatly, with different layers of identity compounding the challenges and making the blinders harder to recognize and address.
Leadership and Organizational Culture
Belonging blinders affect individuals and have profound implications for leadership and organizational culture. Leaders who are blind to the exclusion happening within their teams may inadvertently perpetuate a culture of conformity rather than one of true inclusion. This can lead to a homogeneous environment that stifles diversity of thought and innovation. Leaders need to actively work to recognize and address belonging blinders within their organizations by fostering an environment where all employees feel seen, heard, and valued for their authentic selves.
Psychological and Physical Health Impacts
The psychological impacts of belonging blinders are significant. Prolonged efforts to fit in while ignoring one’s true self can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues. Research has shown that the stress of not being able to express one’s true identity can contribute to a range of health problems, including high blood pressure, weakened immune response, and increased risk of mental health disorders (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). It’s crucial to recognize the health risks associated with belonging blinders and to take steps to mitigate them.
Strategies for Overcoming Belonging Blinders
To overcome belonging blinders and foster a true sense of belonging, engaging in practices that help you reconnect with your authentic self and create environments where you and others can thrive without compromise is essential.
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Increase Awareness of Social Inequities and Structural Barriers
Educate yourself about the systemic issues that contribute to social exclusion. Understanding the broader context can help you recognize when you are being marginalized, even in subtle ways. For example, reading books, attending workshops, and engaging in conversations about diversity and inclusion can deepen your understanding. -
Reflect on Your Adaptations
Begin to notice the ways in which you bend, twist, and adapt to fit into your environment. Ask yourself if these adaptations feel authentic to who you are or who you want to be. Journaling about your experiences and feelings can be a powerful way to explore these questions and uncover areas where you may be compromising your true self. -
Practice Radical Self-Honesty
Acknowledge the discomfort or unease you may feel in certain social situations. This discomfort can be a signal that your sense of belonging is compromised. Pay attention to these feelings and consider what changes might be needed to align more closely with your authentic self. -
Speak Up and Offer Suggestions
Be bold and voice your concerns or offer suggestions for creating a more inclusive environment. Your perspective is valuable and can help pave the way for others who may feel similarly excluded. Start by addressing small changes that can make a big difference, such as inclusive language or recognizing diverse cultural practices. -
Seek Out Environments that Embrace Your Authentic Self
Surround yourself with people and environments that celebrate your true identity. This will reinforce your sense of belonging and reduce the need for unhealthy adaptation. Consider joining groups, organizations, or communities that align with your values and where you can be yourself without fear of judgment.
How Allies Can Help
If you suspect someone else might be experiencing belonging blinders, approach them with empathy and a genuine desire to understand their experiences. Instead of directly asking if they feel like they belong—since they might not be fully aware of their exclusion—ask open-ended questions that explore their feelings and challenges in different situations. Create a supportive and open environment where these discussions can take place, and be prepared to advocate for changes that promote true inclusion.
As an ally, you can also educate yourself on the challenges faced by marginalized groups and use your position to amplify their voices. Encourage inclusive practices in your own environment and be mindful of the ways in which your actions can either support or undermine the belonging of others.
Download a Reflection Guide
To help you dive deeper into understanding your own experiences with belonging blinders, I’ve created a downloadable reflection guide that walks you through five key sections of self-exploration. This activity is designed to guide you in identifying moments when you may have adapted or conformed to fit in, while uncovering the discomfort and barriers that come with such adjustments. The guide is divided into the following sections:
- Identifying Adaptations: Reflect on how you may have altered your behavior, language, or appearance to fit in.
- Noticing Discomfort: Explore moments when you felt discomfort despite fitting in, and what that discomfort signaled.
- Examining Social Barriers: Consider times when you overlooked or dismissed exclusionary behaviors or social inequities.
- True Belonging vs. Conformity: Compare situations where you experienced true belonging versus times you conformed.
- Action Plan: Create practical steps to remove your belonging blinders and foster environments of true inclusion.
Download the guide below to start reflecting and make your journey toward authentic belonging more intentional. (Examples are included.)
Key Takeaways
- Belonging blinders are the shields that prevent individuals from recognizing or acknowledging their exclusion or marginalization, even as they strive to fit into a social group or environment.
- These blinders can have serious psychological and physical health impacts, as well as perpetuate systemic issues of exclusion.
- Overcoming belonging blinders requires increased awareness, self-reflection, and the courage to speak up and advocate for inclusive environments.
- Leaders and allies play a crucial role in recognizing and addressing belonging blinders within organizations and communities.
By understanding and addressing belonging blinders, we can create more inclusive environments where everyone has the opportunity to truly belong.
Download a PDF Reflection Guide
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